I know you’re reading this, so this is for you…

The first time I knew I was completely and overwhelmingly in love with him wasn’t the first time we met. It wasn’t love at first sight, although, at first sight, I loved what i saw. He was tall, strong, handsome and well groomed, freshly shaven and he walked with confidence up my driveway to my front door to meet me and my family for the first time. We went skeet shooting that day, and I was scared and jumpy and very nervous to say the least, but it was a good nervous. 
The first time I knew I was really in love with him wasn’t the first time we kissed, even though that kiss at prom in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by the other couples made me melt inside was incredible, it wasn’t THE moment. 
It wasn’t the first time we said “I love you” to eachother late one night on IM on Facebook, and meant it, even though every time i say it feels like the first time. 
It wasn’t the first time we made love either. But, i’m not gonna lie (and not gonna give too many details either), I was scared, to let you see and touch every inch of me. Every raised scar, every imperfect spot, every place I’m not confident about, But you didn’t mind.  You thought, and still think, I’m beautiful. And I love that. 
The first time I knew I really loved you wasnt after a big fight when i almost lost you… again…. both of us crying in the car over my detrimentally damaging decisions and trying to fix it. But I know I did love you then… but that wasnt the time I’m speaking of…

The first time I knew I was in love with you wasnt a big moment, It wasn’t a milestone in our relationship and it wasn’t what they show in movies… 
It was a few days before I moved out of my parents house… My family was constantly stressing me out, my brother was becoming so mean to me that it was getting out of hand and I just couldn’t handle it. I was with you when my mom started calling me and texting me and getting mad at me for something minor and making me feel awful. We went to my best friend Lauren’s house. Her “almost boyfriend”, noah, was over (or he was already over, i dont recall anymore), and after a while of talking about it all with Lauren and you, we were left on the back patio under the umbrella. It was raining and cold. The first time I knew i was really in love with you was when you hugged and embraced me so tightly, telling me everything was gonna be alright. We stood there for a bit, I could feel your heart beating against my chest and I could smell your cologne and In that moment, I believed it when you said “it’s okay”. I could close my eyes and seep into your skin, flowing with the way we were swaying ever so slightly. In the moments where you hold me in your arms and make me feel so safe and secure, my face buried in your neck or our foreheads touching are the times I am so in love with you. 


Bangs to Belly Buttons

What started off as a word play on how “Audi” (the car) and “outtie” (referring to a belly button) sound the same. I said “I’m an innie!” & he replied “I’ve seen.”
Although it should have been overlooked and moved along without a second glance, it made me think…

“I’ve seen that you have an ‘innie’ belly button. I’ve seen the curves and contours of your body. I’ve seen how stunning you are in a dress, and how adorable you look in sweats with a makeup-less face. I’ve seen every inch of you, kissed every part of you, seen each and every scar. I know how your bangs fall & how you act embarrassed about small things. I know you curl up into me when we watch a scary movie, & how you sprawl out on me when we make out.”

He knows so much about me, and more that i don’t notice or think he notices. I overlook things I dont think he remembers… But he doesn’t forget even the smallest things like those.

Sometimes, it’s good to be reminded that the one you love takes such close notice to you, to even mark down the defining direction of your belly button.