That weird girl

“What got you into modeling?”

People ask me this all the time… I never have a direct answer to give someone who asks this, I just say “oh, everyone has told me I need to model so I did” or “my boyfriend convinced me”, both answers are technically true, but before I actually answer it, I’m gonna give some backstory. 
Growing up in a suburb of Houston, TX, I was always the weird kid… In school, in my neighborhood, everywhere. I wanted people to like me, but I also wanted to be like other people, so I mimicked everyone, so much so that to the point that I was no longer original… I did this for years and years up to 9th grade. I hated myself, so I became bits and pieces of other people. My ideas, my laugh, my clothing choices, nothing is original… I’m a collage of different qualities of other people to make a different person. But no matter what i became, who I hung out with, I never fit in, and I was never not the weird girl. I wasn’t even pretty. I was just… weird. I was always too loud, so i became quiet so I would go next to unnoticed… I was bullied relentlessly through grade 9 when I began homeschooling because it got so bad. I had very few friends and an army of people that would stone me in the street if they saw me. It got so bad I thought no one would ever love me, no one wants me, and I began inflicting self-hatred upon myself. It got so bad to the point that I started cutting myself almost every night with whatever razor blade i could find or extract from pencil sharpeners and disposable razors that i used to shave my legs. I was severely depressed.
I knew i wasnt pretty, I knew I had problems, I knew no one could love me…
2 Ex-boyfriends, countless ex-best friends, and 650+ scars later, I recovered. I met my current boyfriend who has gotten me through so much and whom I love very much, and after some convincing on his side, I did it, I became a model. I became what I thought I would never be. 
So the real answer to the question “What got you into modeling?” is 1) My boyfriend, 2) the fact that I feel beautiful.
Still to this day, I feel like the weird kid, the one no one likes, the awkward girl, and the only things that make me feel beautiful are my boyfriend, and being a model… Because then, I feel like everything I think I’m not. I feel gorgeous, I feel envied, I feel untouchable, graceful, elegant… When in real life, I’m clumsy, I’m not the brightest crayon in the box, and without makeup and my hair all tied up, I’m not pretty… I’m just “that weird kid”. Just like I’ve always been all my life. 

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